Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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