He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
