ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
