Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
