Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
