I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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