Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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