My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
