just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
