watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Rumble strips road head = magical
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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