I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
