she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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