he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm like, not good at living.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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