3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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