Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
