The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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