You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My life is pants optional.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
