you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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