real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
