singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
