She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
