Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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