Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
