I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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