Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
