I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
