i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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