the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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