i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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