If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
