I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
