my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
