Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We are two peas in an std pod
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
