He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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