from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
