you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
