..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
