gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
