I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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