youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
