Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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