He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
