YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
