How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
