Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
