Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
