Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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