i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
