Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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