I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
