I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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