AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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