Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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