you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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