you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
