thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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