if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
