So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
