Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
